The Four Color Media Monitor

USA Today spoke last week about the pretentious writer's plans for the Fantastic Four, which already sound pretty yawn-inducing. For example:

There's something old, something new but not something blue in the opening pages of writer James Robinson's new Fantastic Four series.

The image of Marvel Comics' first family battling their classic monster villain Fin Fang Foom is an image that will leave hardcore Fantastic Four fans smiling.

The red costumes, though? That might take some getting used to.

Under a better writer and editorial leadership, I might've been okay with red costumes instead of blue. But with these kind of writers? No way. Costume colors do not a story make, and a clash with Fin Fang Foom alone doesn't guarantee the story will be fun. It all depends on the quality of writing, and Robinson's proven - possibly much longer than some might think - that he is not suited to the task. For all we know, Robinson's rendition of a fight with Fin Fang Foom could turn out to be very dreary.

"There's a reason for it. It will all make sense in time," teases Robinson, the All-New Invaders scribe working on the relaunched Fantastic Four with artist Leonard Kirk that debuts today.

I don't think so, and the following should prove enough not to be fooled:

"Every writer does things differently," Robinson explains. "While I loved Jonathan Hickman's long run on the book, it didn't feel like classic Fantastic Four. He was really trying to shake things up and move them in a different direction, and he did that very well."

He'll bring a more traditional feel, though "at the same time, you see them in a very different way and they'll all be sent in different directions, with threats and aspects of their lives that you don't normally see them having to deal with."

Robinson describes his overall arc as "the rise and fall of the Fantastic Four," and each team member will have their own issues.

For example, there will be a few tie-in issues to the Marvel event Original Sin where Ben Grimm will have to deal with some revelations following the Watcher's murder, "and this further affects him as he's dealing with other aspects that are working to bring him down," Robinson says.

I think this is reason enough to avoid his work on FF. It makes little difference whether the editors imposed mandates or not. He's obviously fine with their imposing a crossover, much like a lot of the other writers still associated with the Big Two. I don't even want to know what these "different" views are that he's got in store for the FF.

That all sounds rather grim, but Robinson promises that fans won't be dreading to pick up issues of his Fantastic Four "because what's inside is so depressing or the fates of these characters is so overwhelming you want to stay away."

Uh uh. I've long learned not to trust anything Robinson says. The crossover tie-ins alone signal bad omens.

One of the hallmarks of Robinson's DC Comics masterwork Starman was the "million little seemingly incidental plot threads" that all led to a bigger picture, and he hints that he'll be taking a similar tack with Fantastic Four while also paying tribute to the quartet's legacy.

What bigger picture would that be? The one that saw Nash, daughter of the Mist, killing at least 3 members of the JLA in 1998, just to prove she's dangerous? Or the one that saw both Golden Age Starman Ted Knight and the Mist dying at the end of the Starman series in a last battle with each other? I don't know, nor do I care. Some of those "seemingly incidental" plots were little more than visual nostalgic decor that didn't really amount to much of a story. So, I don't expect whatever Robinson's got in store here to make for anything other than weak nostalgia.

"Everything is going to make sense in the end, even the red costumes."

Not if it's part of a massive crossover, it won't. Robinson is one of various modern writers who promise big and deliver nothing, and who just can't be trusted.

Labels: crossoverloading, dc comics, dreadful writers, Fantastic Four, marvel comics, msm propaganda